I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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