can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
