I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
