I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The air was thick with penises
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
