Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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