I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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