I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
