Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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