Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
