i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
