I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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