after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Can you repeat that, but with context?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
