There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
