Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
