And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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