I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
