dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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