He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
jump out the window naked night went bad
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
