I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
