walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
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