Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
