I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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