I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Everyone says I win the strip club
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
