if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
