The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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