Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize