so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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