Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
