We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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