i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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