dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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