My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize