I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
