Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
