She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
