My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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