I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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