i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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