why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
