You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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