Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
