There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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