Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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