then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
