bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Randomize
