i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
