Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize