hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
