She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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