I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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