He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
