I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
