Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
