I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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