I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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