genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
