So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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