Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Randomize
