I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
