Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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