Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
