onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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