only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
wow bdsm is so cute
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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