Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
