She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize