Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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