well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
wow bdsm is so cute
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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