hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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