he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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