A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize